Unraveling the Mysteries of Scorpio: Personality Traits, Ruling Planet, and Compatibility in Astrology

Unraveling the Mysteries of Scorpio: Personality Traits, Ruling Planet, and Compatibility in Astrology

Most people, even those not into Astrology, usually react strongly when they hear that someone is a Scorpio. The reputation of a Scorpio person supersedes reality. It is the negative, lower vibrational traits, such as vengeance, obsession, and sex, that comes to mind. Pop culture paints Scorpio into this corner. On a surface level, some of these traits can have relevance; what is overlooked is the depth and spirituality that accompany Scorpio and the person yearning to transcend.

Yes, even the ardent atheist Scorpio strongly desires to connect on a soul level to others, which is their spirituality. Spirituality is not religion. Religion is a church’s dogma or rules based on a belief system. Spirituality is the quest to understand beyond limitations and systems. Spirituality is finding the connectivity between people, living creatures, nature, and the cosmos.  A person can be spiritual and religious or religious without being spiritual. And a person cannot believe in God or a divine source but still have a sense that there is some sense of order, something that connects us all, such as love. I digress into this because as I discuss Scorpionic pursuits, it is pertinent to know that their desire to connect is beyond the physical. There is a mysticism to all Scorpio suns, moons, and ascendants.

Understanding that Scorpio people resonate on three distinct vibrational levels is crucial. There is the Scorpio who is unaware and is fear-based. They fixate on rules and control and have yet to gravitate beyond their perspective. However, most Scorpios are in the second camp and have a foot in both polarities of Scorpio characteristics, such as loyal but jealous, honest but secretive, and determined but controlling. They teeter between the polarities, depending on the circumstance. For instance, they may be in a marriage and would never stray from the relationship, but if the other person takes up a hobby or pursuit that doesn’t include them, they would feel jealous, hurt, and left out. Then, based on these unresolved feelings, they may brood or withdraw instead of feeling happy for their spouse. While withdrawn, they may begin to feel isolated, crave their connection with their spouse, and recognize that supporting their spouse’s pursuits is not an assault on their importance in the relationship. They rejoin the union, encourage the spouse and work on the marriage. This is why some will refer to Scorpios as being hot and cold. It is not that their love or loyalty falters; it is their inner confidence that is shaken by the shadowy characteristics of their being. This is the state in that many Scorpio people reside, a back-and-forth dance with their positive and negative features.

The third level of Scorpio energy is the person who desires to transcend from the constant tug-of-war they deal with daily. They want to be happy when good things happen to others. They want to let go of the person who has wronged them. They want to go beyond a sexual experience, merge with another person on a soul level, and then have that consummating act transcend further, where both participants have another worldly or out-of-body phenomenon. Because the Scorpio person who is at this level faintly remembers past incarnations on this planet or in other realms where this exercise is commonplace.

Sex is indeed Scorpionic. Having sex with a Scorpio person can be intense. At the lowest vibration, it may be that the Scorpio person wants to control the other participant through pleasure and sometimes pain. At this level, the Scorpio person may manipulate the situation to achieve their desired results, which may not be a climax but instead, having the other person awaken on a physical and chemical level so that they become bonded to the Scorpio person. In essence, the Scorpio person uses sex to entice their partner to fall in love and become loyal to them. The Scorpio person feels powerful as they make their partner quake, as they know what will make the other person want to be with them more. The Scorpio person is responsive and pays attention to each detail, keeping the score of each reaction, carefully keeping tally, and putting the responses into a trove to use later. Though the lovemaking may feel spontaneous, for the Scorpio person, it is a planned procession to possess their partner. Even highly evolved Scorpios can fall into this trap of coveting. But when a Scorpio person looks inward, they know that encapsulating their partner is not what they want. They want to be vulnerable; they want to be open, and they want to be consumed by their partner and merge as one.

As a Scorpio person’s vibrational rate increases, they may start to allow their partner to initiate. The Scorpio person may want to explore being submissive. Giving up control may feel exhilarating. Allowing themselves to be open and experience the unexpected could soften their need to use sex to manipulate their partner and let the Scorpio person feel connected beyond their ego. But, with Scorpios, even being submissive can be a slippery slope because a Scorpio person often orchestrates how the events would play out. When a Scorpio person is “acting” on one end of the spectrum, they usually delude themselves and their partner. A Scorpio person needs to go beyond the bedroom games they have created. Only then can a Scorpio person truly achieve what they desire the most.

On rare occasions, a Scorpio person may have an intimate encounter that seems like a dream, where both partners fall into a rhythm without thought, manipulation, or planning.  Usually, in these moments, a Scorpio person is the most authentic. The scenario goes beyond technique, power plays, or a desire to own the experience. There is no “trying” to make the other person feel attached. The partners are beacons of light, shining an orb on the ceiling.  Just one sphere between them because the energy merged, consuming each other entirely while being engulfed. This is where the soul soars and how a Scorpio person transcends the physical act of sex to a spiritual connection. There is no fear, no control, and no expectations. The connection happens without planning or pursuit.

So how does a Scorpio person get to the place with sex without all of the technique, planning, and manipulation that they are used to doing? This is where it gets a little tricky. Sometimes, something like this happens early in a relationship, especially when a Scorpio person meets someone with whom they have a solid connection from a previous life. They may have such a strong connection that when they first have sex, it is an ethereal marathon that blurs time and space, where the two individuals realize that many hours have passed. Sounds like heaven? For the Scorpio person, it is nirvana. Unfortunately, though, this escapade often backfires. The other participant is thrown off. They may feel violated. They usually will leave the Scorpio and end the blossoming relationship. The Scorpio person will feel perplexed and have trouble wondering how someone could exit from a blissful experience. But the other person thought the incident was obsessive and had no foundation except for sex. Since the other person does not understand the Scorpio deeply, the escapade is too much for them.


This is why, for Scorpios, it may be best for them to wait a period to have sex in a new relationship, especially if they feel an instant connection to the other person. What connects a Scorpio to their partner is not sex but vulnerability. The one thing that scares a Scorpio person the most is the thing that can liberate them. (Scorpios should get the humor in this because this is one of those oxymoronic concepts that Scorpios love.) Yes, Scorpios, you must learn to be open and stop being secretive. It would be best to allow your potential partners into your innermost thoughts. A Scorpio person benefits by tearing down their façade.

Here is a scenario from me, a Scorpio sun, and how my secretive nature caused discord in a relationship. When I met someone special, I was moving and changing jobs within the same company. My relationship with my prior co-workers was strained. However, I had a great relationship with members of my new team. I was nervous about the changes and concerned about my reputation, financial changes, and skill set. I kept these apprehensions to myself. Instead, my outward appearance was calm. I was robotic, taking care of many details despite much stress. My new flame was enjoying the time we spent together as if he didn’t have a care in the world. On the other hand, I was holding some resentment, thinking, “Can’t he see all that I am going through at the moment?”

But he couldn’t see because I was not sharing anything with him! When I told him I was stressed out, he had difficulty comprehending. He didn’t know that in this move, even though I would be making more money per paycheck, my annual salary was about the same since I was forgoing an end-of-the-year bonus. My new mortgage was double what I had been paying. He felt I was being hard on myself, which in a way, I was, but that was not the root issue. The issue was that he knew little about my finances, obligations, fears that I would not succeed in my new position or any other thoughts and feelings I had at the time. As our relationship progressed, he would comment that he didn’t feel like he knew the real me.

It wasn’t until I started confessing about my work and financial fears, tearing up, and expressing my insecurities that our relationship progressed. He was shocked at how much I had been going through on my own and said he would never have guessed with the way I was presenting myself. He was grateful that I opened up to him. He felt he was finally getting to know me and that I wasn’t some perfect machine. As I discussed what was happening with me internally, he naturally felt more connected to me. He shared more about his past with me, and we bonded on our similarities. I would love to say that my openness continued, but I would retreat into these old habits of keeping things secret during our time together. We would have break ups, be apart for a few months, then gravitate back together, where I would work on being open and vulnerable.

So how does one transcend the secretive nature of being a Scorpio? A Scorpio person must change their perspective about their secrets. Secrets, those embarrassing moments in your life, bring humility and humanness to who you are. Your partner wants to know these things not to use them against you but to get to know you. Frequently, Scorpios come across as perfectionists, control freaks, or sanctimonious. A quasi-wall separates you from others by not allowing your guard to come down.  Your Scorpio demeanor, though hypnotic, alienates your prospective partners. Once you realize this and accept that everyone has “stuff” not out in the open, you can relax and share. You can also discuss what you have learned from your uncomfortable moments.

Having thoughtful conversations with someone that piques your interest is the start of building a connection. Oh, I know, as a Scorpio, you want to cut into the depth of the experience, but the back and forth with your potential person will have the most profound rewards. Let the person ask you questions, and do not avoid truthful answers. You may think you are wise by sidestepping and then lamenting on a similar subject with expertise. But when the conversation replays in your partner’s head, they will realize they didn’t learn anything about you and will feel violated that you could gleam so much information about them.

You must be truthful. If they ask you when was the last time you were heartbroken, do not say something like, “when I was young, but everyone gets their heart broken when they are young.” This is dismissive and doesn’t answer the question. The other person learned nothing new about you. Instead, you would want to tell the story of what happened, particularly in your last encounter with someone that was impactful.

An example would be, “I was hurt when my stepfather told me he did not trust me. This was ten days before he took his own life. He mentioned things I did at 15, and I felt he dismissed all my accomplishments over the past 40 years. I rationalized that he was in poor health and stressed being the caretaker of my mother with dementia. But it was not until this moment that I realized his words stung. I had always wanted my parents to be proud of me, and it hurt that he could only focus on flaws from many years prior.”

With opening up like this, the other person can ask follow-up questions, such as what did you do at 15? How did you handle his death? What happened to your mother? What did you accomplish over 40 years that you wanted him to recognize? Did you suspect he was going to take his own life?


These are conversations that build connections. Your truthful, vulnerable answers will connect someone to you. And you will also have the opportunity to process, heal and transform, which most Scorpios crave. As you expose your life, you will ask this new person similar questions, and instead of keeping a scorecard and tucking away information to use, you will listen, empathize, and process. Through your vulnerability, you will heal and raise your vibration. You will start to develop that relationship you have always wanted. You and your partner will be emotionally and spiritually supportive of each other. By getting to know each other first, when you begin to express yourselves sexually, you will have a better chance of not relying on your old themes but, instead, having a sexual experience based on trust and equality. Though Scorpios often believe that the key to bliss is transformative, tantric sex, this is an illusion. The actual transformation begins by being your raw, authentic self with another person. Sex is a sideshow; you’ve mastered it. Being yourself, connecting to others, and connecting to your higher self, raises your vibration.  


Besides sex, many Scorpios have a preoccupation with death.

Scorpio’s fascination with death is both complex and straightforward. A Scorpio person wants to achieve the next level of existence. They always yearn for something they feel is missing, an incomplete piece. Knowing there is more than the physical, death seems like the obvious next step to existence. But like the Ouroboros (a snake eating its tail), they would wind up in the same spot they were in before birth without growth during this lifetime. As with sex, death is another preoccupation that doesn’t give results. We all die. The experience of death will happen.

If being intrigued by death is shallow, why do Scorpios consume so much time thinking about it?

A Scorpio person has grown through triplicity. Though we live in a world of dualities, Scorpios know that another realm could contain the next level of understanding. When Scorpios first tap into spirituality, they may learn about reincarnation, ancient civilizations, aliens, and anything not in the daily norm. The more esoteric, the greater the gravitational pull is on the subject. Scorpios are looking for answers, but what’s more, they are looking for connection. They may spend decades obsessed with what is outside of them, not grasping that the hole they are trying to fill can only be fixed by going internal and sharing their experiences truthfully, lovingly, and vulnerably with someone else. Scorpios have to learn and accept that they are spiritual beings first and foremost.

Scorpios often alchemize sex, death, and enlightenment together, and though those three things can coexist, often, Scorpios miss the point. Yes, there is a transformational theme, but as long as a Scorpio remains in their protective barrier, it doesn’t matter what pursuit they follow; each will be empty. Scorpios can find a spiritual portal through almost any activity if they learn to break out of their hard shell (and refrain from stinging others.)

Let’s get literal for a moment. A Scorpion is a predatory insect with an exoskeleton and a stinger on its tail. A Scorpio person wants to go beyond these limitations but will often fall into the comfort of protecting oneself and attack with harsh stinging words if they feel exposed. But as stated before, Scorpio is not a sign of duplicity but one of triplicity and has three literal representations. These motifs are the Scorpion, the Snake, and the Phoenix (mythical) or Eagle. Most Scorpios are snakes, slithering through life, exploring, and consuming something in its whole form (such as a snake devouring a rodent). Occasionally, the snake will shed its skin, displaying its softness and vulnerability, dispensing its old self. But still, the snake cannot altogether forgo its defensives and will coil, hiss, or strike with its venomous fangs.

Scorpions and Snakes do not live in groups. They are solitary creatures. Birds, however, live in flocks. Even when a bird flies high, it eventually joins its flock for socialization. Eagles, depending on the species, tend to convene in small groups. Eagles represent the soul, soaring above the physical and getting closer to the spirit. The mythical Phoenix is immortal, connected to the sun, and disintegrates in flames, with ashes falling from the sky when it dies.  It is this symbolism where a Scorpio feels like death is where they will become immortal and whole.

But the joke is on them because we all are already immortal. It is not immortality that a Scorpio truly seeks but wholeness. When a Scorpio incarnates, they are missing part of themselves. Most of us, when we incarnate, are missing part of ourselves, but the Scorpio energy is keenly aware.  Throughout their life, they have a sense of yearning. But why?

In simplest terms, imagine that there is a massive ball of light. This ball of light is at the center of all that is; it is the source of everything. It has always existed and will always exist. It is pure energy without polarity. It is every soul that has existed and every soul that will exist. It is the life force of the universe. Now, imagine that you sparked off of this fantastic orb of infinite power and became separated from its energy.

Along with you, many other little sparks coincided, and your group traveled into the darkness, searching for a place to exist. You created bodies, lived on a planet, your bodies deteriorated, you went back to your energy form, you reunited with others that you sparked with when their bodies gave out and repeated this cycle. But, during this course of existence, you went through mitosis, and your spark of energy separated and created multiple sparks of energy. Now, you can exist in numerous bodies, in various lifetimes, on multiple planets, and in multiple timelines. As you’ve scattered out, you feel less of who you are because you are dispersed throughout the universe. And not only are you in this situation, but some of your co-sparkers are also in little pieces of multidimensional light. You crave to reconnect with your multiplicity. You yearn to find others that have been through the same experience. You miss possessing all of your light.

Our Scorpio energy is subconsciously aware that they are disconnected from the source and desires to reconnect to it. That is why Scorpios look for the extremities in sex, death, physical activities, work, partnerships, control, and anything else where they get a glimpse of connection. For Scorpios to quell their desires, they must develop a spiritual practice. Though some Scorpios gravitate towards religion, dogma is not their friend. This is not to say that Scorpios should not attend religious ceremonies. Scorpios can be loyal attendees. The issue arises when a Scorpio uses religion to control others. As a fixed sign, Scorpios like harshly drawn parameters. It gives them a sense of control. And at the lower vibration, Scorpios can quickly become zealots, using their religious indoctrination to exert their will. When obsessed with scripture, dogma, and other spiritual teachings, a Scorpio person may wield their fervor with family members, friends, and others that they interpret will fall into their line of worship.

Scorpios do best when they are open to a multitude of belief systems. As frustrating as it may sound, Scorpios elevate and feel connected when they realize that everything exists and nothing exists simultaneously. There is truth in all faiths and denominations. There are also falsehoods. So how does a Scorpio know what is real and what isn’t? If religion isn’t the answer, then what is?

There isn’t one path. Each Scorpio person must find their own, and in this quest, as they discover, they will stumble upon information that will speak to them. As they explore, they may begin to feel more whole. But once this avenue is exhausted, the yearning will return; they may even retreat into their old, comfortable habits. Then, a person, a book, a video, or some other source will enter their life, and another exploration will begin. Healthy explorations for Scorpios are astrology, meditation, breath work, yoga (especially the practices that focus more on spirituality and slow movements as opposed to sweating and strength,) tai chi, massage, crystal healing bowls, Reiki, nature walks, automatic writing, channeling, reading, chanting, prayer, dream interpretation, numerology, sacred geometry, theology, unitarian natured faiths, and anything to do with mystical patterns. Creating an environment that allows the flow of energy is essential. Soft, gentle practices are best for Scorpios since Mars rules them. Scorpios, by nature, are action orientated, so to create balance, they need to study and explore with gentleness.

As Scorpios learn, they can apply the knowledge to healing. Scorpios tend to accumulate baggage in their lives due to their extreme living. Their intensity has scared away potential partners, their obsessions may have led to self-harm, and their upbringing of not feeling whole has left doubt, ambiguity, and a lack of trust as their albatross. Looking inward and letting go is freedom. Learning about why and how and then transcending the information to your own experiences creates room for growth. For example, a Scorpio may have been in a relationship with someone cold and insensitive. The Scorpio felt slighted and misled, thinking this was their person but winding up in a marriage full of insults and broken boundaries. The Scorpio leaves the union after years of attacks on their self-esteem. Still aching and yearning for the person they married, they may continue to have sex with them or become promiscuous with others, hoping to find that connection that they thought they had.

But then, the Scorpio begins to meditate, knowing they must move on and heal from this relationship. In meditation, as they breathe slowly and deeply, they visualize light from the universe pouring into their body at the top of their head. The light fills each cell in their body, creating an electrical charge that can be felt down their spine and going deep to the earth’s core. As they become comfortable with daily meditation, they begin to focus the energy on parts of their body that relate to the wounds of the relationship, such as the heart, throat, and gut. As time passes, the Scorpio person may chant internally, “I receive love, I accept love, I am filled with love, love flows through me and goes out to others, and I am love.” After weeks or months of this practice, the Scorpio feels a vibrational shift, they begin to sense that their spirit is lighter, and their obsession with the prior relationship dissipates.

With a new vantage point, they may see their prior partner not as a cruel monster who tricked them into love but instead as another wounded soul who has yet to work on healing. They can see the walls the other person has built as the Scorpio’s walls begin to degrade. This is not to say that the Scorpio person should return to a relationship with their ex. No one can bring another person to healing. But the Scorpio can start the process of introspection. By gaining insight, the Scorpio person can create their healing journey. When Scorpios can visualize others as multidimensional beings dealing (or not dealing) with their trauma, Scorpios permit themselves to do their necessary mending. And this is where astrology can be a tool, as well as the aforementioned spiritual disciplines or through professional therapy.

Relationships are instrumental for the Scorpio to grow. With Scorpios, they can learn to be malleable and balance their fixed energies. Let’s face it; your typical Scorpio wants to control the show. After all, it is the nature of Mars for them to take charge. However, they can feel more at ease when Scorpios release their desire to control and allow their need to connect on a deep, personal, and open level. Relationships, romantic, platonic, and familial, are the conduits of self-discovery and healing for a Scorpio person. In modern astrology, the eighth house is associated with Scorpio. The eighth house is the themes discussed: sex, shared resources within relationships, the occult, secrets, death, transformation, and resurrection. With elevation, I would add that with the Plutonic energy, there is an undercurrent of past, present, and future lives encapsulating the mysteries of quantum physics. This is Scorpio—the sign of all those uncomfortable subjects in a shroud of mystery and depth. With the fractured eternal soul, a Scorpio can be the Phoenix, rise above the ashes, reborn through love, acceptance, and, most of all, with open, vulnerable wings.


About the author: Theresa Touhey is a highly skilled psychic medium with a wealth of experience in the fields of metaphysics, yoga, and astrology. As the owner of Nature Reflections, a specialty store offering Angel Caller and Harmony Ball Jewelry, she brings her unique blend of knowledge and expertise to the world of spiritual wellness. Additionally, Theresa is an ordained minister through the Universal Life Church. Discover more about Theresa and her background by visiting her "about us" page.

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